Letting Go – The Painful Lesson

Letting Go in RelationshipsIf you are in a painful relationship or know someone who is, you are aware that true love can bring with it a lot of suffering, especially after one of you has decided to break it off. We all know the more obvious methods of releasing someone’s memory from our lives: cutting ties, cutting all forms of  contact like phone calls, messages, mails, avoiding the places visited by the ex, avoiding all mention of them etc. Some people even choose to relapse off and on, into being addicted to the other. This can take the form of anonymous silent calls, trying to discredit or harm the other or at the other extreme, to take recourse to break-up sex to ease the moving on. Bad idea …you may respond. Pathetic? Desperate?  Yet, all of us can find cases in our own lives or those of people close to us, where love has caused destruction and havoc, sometimes taking the form of suicide attempts and sometimes manifested as years of  unhappiness, as past, unhealed wounds make people close up to the opportunities of receiving love. A lot of people who have not allowed themselves to grieve the loss of their relationship, may seem outwardly confident and uncaring, but scratch the surface and a wall hits anyone who tries to get close to them.

How then can one truly cut oneself off from the past, and move on, in order to experience this precious gift of life?


The first step is to acknowledge the sense of deep loss and for a few days indulge in expressing one’s grief, even setting some time aside for it, and then free writing all ones feelings, memories, followed by tearing up the paper and flushing or burning or burying it; in the process, consciously releasing past memories, anger, hurt and resentment.


If you honestly believe that all that could have been done to salvage the relationship has been done, give up hope…. Give up hope that it could have been different only if… Abandon imaginary scenarios and try to live in the present moment.


The next step is to learn to love oneself. If you have been in an abusive relationship, and constantly find yourself attracting manipulative partners or takers, take some time off to examine your behaviour patterns. If we don’t learn from our relationships and raise our energy, we will keep on attracting similar people into our lives. Accept the lesson that the situation brings Or be prepared to repeat it. You may not have given enough .Or what is more likely, (since you are still reading this!), you always give too much. Maybe that is not such a good thing! Do for yourself what you did for this other person. Think yourself worthy of attracting a balanced relationship, where you can both give and receive love. One way of raising one’s self esteem is to take a break from the dating cycle and do things that give you a sense of achievement as well as peace. That is why advice columns tell us to take up exercise, dance, any creative activity or passion. Really, anything that brings the body, mind and spirit in harmony and makes us see the joy of nature and life should work. That is why it is better to go out for a walk in the open that spend hours in one’s room. Go see a tree and learn that a tree does not cry because it is shedding leaves in autumn. It accepts change. Only we humans cling on!


Forgiveness of the other is essential in order to truly move on. Don’t wait for closure. Create it. Or life will throw that person back at us in this life or another. Hatred and anger come from the ego. We are truly spiritual when we operate not from the space of ego: i.e. fear, anger, hurt but from Compassion and true love of Spirit.


 A break up is not just emotional trivia; something secondary to your professional or larger social life. Our wounded attractions bring us lessons that we are supposed to learn in this life. That is why we have to learn to forgive, detach and fully move on. This is an evolution that we gauge for ourselves. And this is not a linear journey. It can happen in a two steps forward, one step back fashion. Do not be hard on yourself. Do not judge. Just cultivate awareness. Meditation is a very helpful way to do this.


(a) One method of learning to let go is to first surround yourself and the other person(ex) in white light .See a bubble or aura of white light in your mind ,surrounding your two forms. It is possible to use the white light as a shield to protect you from negative or draining energy. This should be done only if you think that the other has a very negative hold over you. It is far more useful to think of white light not as a shield protecting us from negativity but as a emanation of Divine Love…all that is good for the Universe…as Love and Light. Think of yourself as in touch with that Universal source of light and Love and you will actually be able to draw upon it. Then ground yourself using the technique outlined by Meetu Sehgal, in the previous issue; i.e. Think of a cord connecting your spine to the center of the earth.

(b) Cord Cutting: There are psychic cords that connect two people who have been in a close relationship. Sometimes the cords are left intact even after neither has contacted the other. True letting go involves removing these cords. This is traditionally done by visualizing cords arising from our bodies entangled with cords arising from the ex’s body, and then cutting them with a sword or knife. I personally prefer to visualize a dissolving of ties into vapour and then visualizing white or green light for healing of the wounds. Then gently release them from all ties with you. You can ask for help from any deity/universal energy/your spirit guides/guru to help you in this release from each other .You may have to do this more than once. Let your intuition be your guide.


Meditation and visualization; for that matter, any means of spiritual progress are not supposed to turn you into a yogi or an eccentric. In fact, it is the path to be more centered and whole and fully healed: inside out. Visualization can be done by anyone, even if it feels odd at first. Remember that our sub-conscious minds respond to visual stimuli. Intention is ALL .Visualize positive changes and you can manifest true love, abundance and positivity into your life! Only you can change yourself from within and make this breakup an opportunity for enlightenment!

-Namita Sethi

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