My father is a narcissist. My mother a victim. After living with them for 37 years I realized how that has shaped my life experiences and relationships.
He was always into sadistic pleasures. He is an extremely successful person with a respectable following. Professionally he was known as one of the most honest and sincere person. I idolized him not because I actually liked him, but because I was taught since childhood that children always learn from their parents. Again, it is now that I realized that they learn from the behaviour of their parents.
An introvert, I kept all my feelings to myself. Though my mother was one of the most progressive woman during my growing up years, I couldn’t relate much to her as she was a victim figure in my subconscious. I love her but I can, in fact anyone can clearly see how she has slowly turned into a negative sadistic woman from a chirpy positive person. My father continues to consciously manipulate and mother subconsciously is still the victim.
Children must respect their parents as Gods, and so I did fully and deeply. One day we got the news that my uncle, who was already on dialysis couldn’t see from one eye. He was being referred to a big hospital having queues of patients and long waiting, which meant it would be a nightmare for a person like him, already above 80, to manage it. As I sighed, my father said – Now he will realize how hard life is! That moment, something inside me snapped.
We grow up learning consciously but are shaped up by our environment subconsciously. My divorce made me aware of one scary truth – I was my father in my marriage! So, in the next relationship I ensured I am not my father. I ended up being my mother. It takes effort to change the conditioning and patterns. We have to be aware of the reality and not its perception and interpretation done by our conscious mind. Not easy, right. Of course, but even if one step is taken to accept ourselves and heal the neglected parts, miracles start pouring in. See people as they are, not as idols sitting on pedestals. Hug and love yourself first. The moment we start freeing ourselves from the impressions of others, we will allow all the bliss that’s waiting to enter our life.