First Love

First Love
Photo by Christiana Rivers on Unsplash

It’s February and love is in the air. One day is hug day, another kiss day, chocolate day… and so on till the 14th February “Valentine’s Day”. Everybody especially teenagers and youth is excited and seem to express their love to their loved ones. I also do the same, but I always buy the first rose for myself and then buy for my friends and loved ones.

Love is such a beautiful energy that makes the heart sing. We feel whole when we are surrounded with our loved ones. There is a sense of security. This feeling of being needed and loved is so wonderful that we get inspiration to do or achieve something in life. Love is the inspiration of life. When we do something for others it boosts our self-esteem.

But sometimes I think why is love a painful experience for many, if it is so beautiful? Why love hurts the most? Why love sometimes ruins our self-esteem and self-respect? Why even after sacrificing everything, people don’t get love? Why some people don’t get reciprocal in love? Love is a matter of destiny, but most of the time we decide our own destiny. As we create our own reality by nourishing our thoughts, imagination and then actions.

If someone is constantly thinking about tragic love, romancing with the idea of ‘devdas’; then what can he expect in return? His thoughts are attracting tragedy, deceit and failure. This is one aspect of love.

Another most important thing is what you expect in love from the other person. Most of the time our expectations are too high or unrealistic. Also most of the time, we only ask and don’t give much in return. I am not saying love is a 50-50 partnership. But when we expect we should give also.

Above all the basis of our relationship with others is based on our relationship with ourself.

For example, what kind of relationship do I enjoy with my own self? This involves my self-esteem and self-respect, how I value myself; How much acceptance I have for myself; How critical I am of myself; How I judge myself from my perspective as well as other’s point of view? So my relationship with myself is a mirror that is reflecting my relationship with others also.

So according to me, first love should be self-love. If I cannot love myself, how can I expect love from others? If I don’t value my emotions and myself, how can others respect me and my emotions? If I become a doormat in the name of sacrifice, then I am lying to myself. Those who are exploiting me emotionally are neither at fault nor are selfish.

If I get bored in my company, how can I expect others to enjoy my company? If I am critical about my looks and have inferiority complex, then people will also judge me. They will point out my negative points because my negative thoughts about me are sending the energy that is attracting more judgmental remarks in return.

I admire the lines of this bhajan:

Humko mann ki Shakti dena
Mann vijay Karen
Doosron ki jai se pehle
Khud ki jai Karen

(O Lord! Give us strength to conquer our mind so we appreciate ourself before appreciating others)

On this Valentine’s Day, lets fall in love with ourself. Lets appreciate ourself, as we are a unique creation of God.

I want to share these two affirmations to create more self-love

  1. I love and accept myself the way I am [21 times]
  2. I allow myself to love and be loved. [21 times]

Chant these affirmations like a mantra at least 21 times in morning and before going to bed for three months and experience the results.

Enjoy this Valentine’s Day by reconnecting with yourself.

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