When I started getting angry because she told me about something that happened with her in the childhood, it wasn’t easy to just let go of the emotion with ease. The problem with that is, given my anxiety attached to everything, I started getting jitters down my spine. A weird shaking sensation gripped my entire body, and within no time, I wanted to beat the person who wronged her.
It’s straightforward to relate yourself to someone else and start feeling what they do. But, then we’re never able to see the world for what it is. These layers of emotions taint our experiences.
Grounding is a part of healing wherein one can stay present in their body and allow a connection to the Mother Earth. Feeling centered and balanced, no matter what’s happening around, helps in experiencing with neutrality and total sense of purity.
Some of the positive emotions can be felt in another manner when you’re grounded. Say, your partner says they love you and you believe it to be true but still aren’t sure of how to express yourself since your mind is continuously wandering everywhere. At the end of the day, when you come home and meet them, all the piled up frustration, anxiety or anger gets out on your beloved, either intentionally or unintentionally. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them but not staying in your body, not feeling those emotions entirely or in other words, not staying grounded took a toll on your life.
This was just a minor example from our everyday lives. You might feel that the other person is wrong, but being balanced from within helps you understand the situation from a broader perspective. How about listening to them before you throw out a decision all by yourself?
Since a bit of research always helps, I thought of asking a few couples around and noting the common emotional problems they face in their relationships.
Here’s what I found.
Nisha faintly recalled the last time they had a smooth communication. ‘It’s like every time he tells me about his office party; I feel he’s happier at work. It’s not about my insecurities, Roosh; I just feel he’s not that into me anymore. Maybe…he…never mind!’ When I spoke to Viraj, he had something interesting to tell me about these office parties that he’d been telling his wife.
‘I want her to come. With me. I even insist at times, but she always seems to be more conscious about her body than ever. I try to talk about this, but she changes the topic every time.’
Having a lot of anxiety in any relationship can be harmful and can also cause miscommunication.
Viraj and Nisha both had their anticipation about each other. According to the law of Universe, you attract what you are, and when such insecurities cloud your sense of judgment, it also reflects in your partner.
Keeping your relationship healthy by communicating what you feel is very essential. But, what if, you aren’t able to say it thinking it might hurt your partner. Trying to avoid saying something is as bad as not saying anything at all. It can also lead to a lot of frustration, resulting in an unannounced series of mishappenings between the couple. Lack of intimacy can also lead to a frustrated couple. If one partner fails to respond to other’s feelings and gestures, tension may arise due to several similar recurring incidences.
‘He doesn’t hold my hand in public. Like I don’t even get a kiss. I understand it’s not easy for everyone to be comfortable around people, but I want him to know I’m there right next to him. I’d feel safe when he would do that. Maybe someday…’ Preeti didn’t realize her level of frustration was increasing with time, and a few weeks later, she called up to tell me they’d broken up on a tiny issue.
Maybe it’s your boss’s attitude or perhaps the fact that you think you can get a better job, the feeling of anger or disappointment resulting in anger can affect relationships very severely.
‘I didn’t mean to shout at her, but she just chooses the wrong time to approach me. I have some significant work to do, especially with the closing month, etc.. You get the picture.. right?’
I did get it. Of course. I have been at both ends of such a situation in my relationship. My work was also crucial to me at one point, till I realize that finding love and a relationship that works is also essential.
Creating a balance between your work and your relationship is as valuable as breathing correctly.
‘Roosh, do you think I should apologize?’ Mayank gulped down the water at once, scratching the inside of his right palm with his left hand’s fingers, he asked again, ‘Should I?’
Though I surrendered to his guilt, he needed a better understanding of the situation than just an affirmation from my side. ‘What’s happening here, Mayank? What’s important to you? What is this anger about?’ To which he replied that no matter how much he earns, Mayank felt he should make more to give Saloni a better future.
Always focusing on the future possibilities can be too much work at times. This self-created pressure is the root of his anger, but since he wasn’t ready just yet to hear it from me, I told him to find 5 minutes each morning to meditate before he leaves for his office. It’s as simple as that. A bit of relaxation, few moments of staying in your body, connecting to the feelings within can result in more awareness of the surroundings.
Mayank’s anger wasn’t really about his partner. It was more about what he was feeling from within. He would only realize that if he’s more aware of what’s happening within.
‘Whenever she’s not around, I feel lonely. There’s this void. I feel like it’s sucking my strength. I feel empty all the time. I know I’m too irrational because I expect her to be around all the time. I mean… You know.. It’s not that simple. I guess… I don’t know.’ He quickly turned around to face me on the sofa as if to say something but then made a straight face and took a deep breath. ‘She’s terrific. I adore her for what she does. It’s not easy in today’s time to be earning. You know how the society is. I choose to be a homemaker. It’s who I am. Despite all the judgment from both our families, she took a stand for me. She was there with me. I’m just … I don’t know…’
‘I understand Neal.’
‘Roosh, it’s difficult to explain this sadness. I haven’t spoken to Garima about it. I don’t think she’d take it positively.’
Neal and Garima had been together for past five years, and yet, here they were. Everything seemed right between the couple. Who knew Neal had such issues. His loneliness was due to deep-rooted causes, but without much help, he struggled to self-analyze the situation and keep mum about it. I told him all about healing, and he considered.
We’re very keen on assigning the blame for any circumstance to anyone, be it ourselves or the other person. What surprises me is that there’s more to it than what it looks. To have a better perspective, a better understanding of what’s going on, primarily we need to be in our body and not minds. We need to feel those emotions. Sit with them. Have a moment just for ourselves. Rather than just bursting out those negative emotions and throwing them on others, regretting it all later, feel them within.
Staying connected or the practice of grounding, helps in healing emotions, thereby removing such patterns from our lives, which are no longer needed.
Stay in the moment.