There are days when I feel like a superwoman. Doing all my chores, writing articles, taking care of my pets, finding time for self, all in one magical day.
But then, there are those days that I spent looking at the ceiling, like a dumb f***. ‘I should change the paint. Or maybe, change my hair colour.’ Thoughts like these stroll in my head while I spend my time doing absolutely nothing and when I look at the watch, it’s bedtime. No kidding, guys!
What’s more? There are more like me. I thought I had a separate species. You know, being lazy or instead just feeling tired all the time. How is it that people go to their offices every day and not feel even a bit tired. I got to know some even work on weekends, voluntarily. (‘Workaholics’ do exist!) Now that’s what I call living like a creep! Who does that?! Weekends are supposed to be about spas, shopping or booze and some choose to make hundreds of calls and arrange meetings. Umm..No way! Right?
Well, as weird as that sounds, I spoke to a bunch of people from my species to find out what’s happening. I wanted to know whether we were the only ones to live like that. Were we normal or not?
So, here are a few myths about this thing called ‘Motivation!’ (Blah!)
‘I wanted to go for that personal shopper job. Even applied for the course. But when I explained it to my friends, they made fun of me! I felt humiliated. Sad. Didn’t go for that course for sure.’
‘I didn’t make it in time. They rejected my application, and since I didn’t want to go to any other college, I dropped the idea altogether. Three years later, Dan asked to marry me, and here I am with a few nappies to change and no time for myself.’
‘Roosh, one thing is for sure. Life isn’t easy’ (I totally ignored the first part!) ‘It’s like no matter how much I try to convince my partner, he can never stop doubting me! I can never even think of cheating on him, but I guess, it’s almost over now. So, no point in talking about that.’
A few setbacks here and there, one decides to give up. Feeling the need to be motivated is like just waiting for that waiter in the restaurant who might never come. Be a bit louder. Take that first step. Call him.
Life isn’t over just because you had a setback.
Maybe the weather doesn’t feel right today, or perhaps you think you don’t have enough resources for the job to be done. There can be several factors you can blame, but the problem, my friends, is only within. Thinking, ‘I don’t have the right attitude for this. He did it better because he has it’ isn’t going to get you where you want to be. If you feel he was able to do it due to his attitude, what if I tell you, you can do it too, but it doesn’t have to be in the same way!
‘I don’t think I have enough energy to go there or do this every day.’
‘I want to go for this assignment, but I don’t have sufficient money to carry this on for the required duration.’
‘Motivation’ isn’t an external factor. It isn’t out there for you to get it.
‘Just not motivated enough.’
A resistance is present towards everything we want to achieve and are yet to do it. Lack of motivation or saying, ‘I’m just not motivated enough’ are merely excuses that we put forward to avoid facing reality. The truth is we aren’t aware of the stuck emotions inside and tend to believe what we hear from others around. Belief systems which do not serve your purpose need to be discarded, and this is what most of us fail to realize.
Waiting before acting upon it is also something that is helping you stay in that comfort zone. ‘I’ll start from tomorrow.’ What’s going to happen tomorrow that you don’t already have today? Even if it’s just for a few minutes, going that extra mile or continuing to do your job to finish it entirely, will make it happen.
Support sticks by the speakers
Now, this one’s amusing. Many of the tactics used by motivational speakers are discussed as follows:
‘Writing your goals will give you success.’ Nah! That’s not true. But they won’t tell you that. Writing helps in acknowledging what you want. If you don’t act upon it, or if you don’t have the will, no genie will come presenting you with that new car you want.
‘Try to do your best and the rest will happen.’ I say, ‘Yea right’. That’s another excuse for underperforming and saying you did your best. No folks! There’s no such thing as trying to do your best. Either you want to do it, in which case, you do it. Or, well, you try or show that you’re trying and a half-hearted effort leads you nowhere.
‘Visualize what you want, and it will happen.’ Are you serious? Having a belief, be it from whosoever that you acquired, that money doesn’t come easily and that you have to sweat every ounce of your energy, but nobody will cooperate, will not get you your dream house. But, working on such issues, will surely do. If you have a conflict within to what you want, even if it is close to you, you won’t get it, as it doesn’t fit in your reality realm. You can’t ‘believe’ that it can happen.
Curious to know what might help you?
Try this instead.
For all those who can’t get up in the morning to exercise or to go to work, I feel you, guys. Totally. Trust me, I do. No matter what ‘visualizations’ I tried lying in my bed, my mind would conquer them all. So, what if you can’t workout in the morning, evening time can be helpful especially for a change of seasons, when our body needs time to adapt. When I was unable to reach college for the first class, I tried setting three alarms instead of one and by the time the third one banged my ears, I was up and about (though still walking in my sleep) taking baby steps to the washroom.
Never give up. A few setbacks don’t mean you can’t have it. For any activity to be a part of your routine, consistency is the key, guys. Breathe, relax and think of all the reasons why you want it to happen and the leading image will get you through it. Decide and move forward, because once you do, there’s no turning back. That’s right, keep moving!
We have jaws. We have flaws. And lots of other good things too. Then why stop at the flaws. Your drawbacks shouldn’t be a reason to stop you. Accepting that you have a problem isn’t easy in the first place but then, sticking to it every time you have to do something but are feeling lazy, so you end up throwing your excuse, doesn’t have to be the scenario. Yes, I’ve been there. Yes, I’ve failed. Multiple times. Repeating the mistakes too. But, I choose to change.
Accepting that I have a weakness for alcohol didn’t stop me from having fun at parties where I went sober and came back, well, surprisingly sober too.
Once I accepted my romantic relationship with the booze, I started searching for the reason why I needed it so much especially at social gatherings. Most of you will be thinking: it’s no big deal. Everyone has some occasionally, and my occasions began to be more of every weekend, birthday, holidays, every day I didn’t go to college, leading to every day I did. Before I knew it, I was more than dependent on it. A unique personality came out when I was drunk.
Anyway, leaving that story for another time, the point is, when I decided I didn’t need alcohol to make myself look like the ‘chirpiest’ or ‘most happening’ person on the planet, I did just fine and had fun too.
Acceptance comes from being aware. Be aware of why it is crucial for you to have that flaw. Heal on it. There you go. As easy as that sounds, it’ll happen.
Working on issues
This one’s my personal favorite. Why choose to make an excuse when you can have what you want? Ask yourself. You’ll have a few answers. Dany, my sister, always complained to me about having financial issues. She found out that her parents had sources of income but still didn’t choose to receive it. It was their belief which she’d acquired with due course of time that, ‘Money is hard to earn.’ Yes. That’s possible in many cases. We’re only human. Human minds work like that.
Using tools like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming), she left the beliefs that no longer served her. After a few months of working on her money issues, her father agreed to buy a new house, and they moved in less than a month after that decision.
For any queries, feel free to leave a comment in the box below.
After working on your issues, letting go is a good thing that you can do. Instead of attaching anxiety, why hasn’t it happened yet or how much time will it take, just sit back, and relax. Let it happen.
When I worked for a few months on my relationship issues, nothing seemed to be different. The attachment was too much that it ended. Sadly, it broke my heart but moving on was the only way I got him back. No folks! I’m not advising you to leave your partners or break up with them, or anything of that type, this is just my personal experience.
I forced myself to move on and meet different guys, but the guy I was with, came right back when I had lost all hopes and had seen all my dreams shattered in front of my eyes. As dramatic as it might sound, I was depressed for some time. But, leaving my pity party aside, working on your emotions takes some time to create a change. Letting it go and focusing on your life will give it space to happen.
Don’t wait for something to happen. Be the miracle.
It doesn’t have to be a struggle.
Take the first step.