You know how they just come and go from our lives without any clue. Several days of texting and calling, without any revert backs. It’s upsetting as hell! Specially, when you’re emotionally vulnerable and prone to getting attached faster than a Bugatti!
Yes, I’m referring to the current dating fads, friends, and no, this isn’t where you’ll find more about your perfect match!
Whenever I tell my friends about the recent break-up I had (which happens almost every winters, just a different guy), they give me many concrete reasons based on their reality. Some of which are:
‘Oh, you know, he wasn’t the right guy for you!’
Or,
‘I’m glad you guys broke up. I didn’t like his dressing sense. Did you look at those red shoes he was wearing at your birthday, Roosh?’
Or,
‘Not that it’s any of my business, but you guys weren’t meant to be. You’re way out of his league and he just isn’t that good in socializing. The other day, he posted a nude selfie on Snapchat. I meeaaan..who does that?! Eeew!’
Even this is what I get sometimes:
‘I always had a weird funny feeling about him, you know. The way he looked at my ass, it didn’t seem appropriate.’
Whenever you’re with someone, the entire world seems to agree but as soon as you break up, it’s almost as if your group was waiting for some spice to turn up. But, what is it that makes these break-ups a big deal? The rationale behind all of it? Is there any pattern, or a common set of strings that can be categorized and observed before it’s too late?
This got me thinking.
What are the new ‘vogues’ of dating?
Here are some of the common and quite intriguing ones:
Breadcrumbing
This dating trend involves only sending flirty messages every now and then, but at the same time they aren’t ready for any commitment. This is just to lure you without expending much effort or time as well. As the term says itself, it depends on you to pick up those hints or ‘crumbs’ to cut the chase and get to the point, which might even be bed in this case.
How to deal with it?
If you’re really not looking for any serious stuff, this might be just the thing for you. But, if you are, then we definitely have a bad news. To avoid future miscommunication, try to be as direct and clear with your partner as possible. Don’t spill your personal stuff too soon, if you’re not really sure what the person wants or you’ll end up being hurt and vulnerable.
‘Ever had?’
It might feel like a good one night stand, just like when you have a craving for a late night choco pie and as soon as you eat one, it’s done. Over. You don’t want it anymore! Case closed.
Cushioning
Remember the time when you accidentally picked your partner’s cellphone, only to find several texts from unknown people, or even worse, some inappropriate texts from people whom you thought were just their ‘friends’? Well, this is called ‘Cushioning’ when your partner has been in a long term relationship but is still looking for an extra comfort from other people. It’s not so bad unless you have no idea about it. In which case, Ouchh! That hurts more than a messy accident!
How to deal with it?
If you’re already having a gut feeling about it beforehand, try to convey it to them in a not so direct way that you’re looking for a monogamous thing. In case, you’ve already found out and don’t feel like staying with them anymore, well, it’s time for a road trip, which will help you freshen up and decide what you really want to do about it.
‘Ever had’?
When you order that smoked chicken roll and as soon as it hits your throat, you realize you’re having a stale piece of chicken but it’s too late to throw up as it’s already slipping down your food pipe and you’re trapped. This is close to that experience.
Zombied
This is when you go for a few dates with someone. Everything seems normal, it’s going really good. But, oh no. That person isn’t responding to your texts. No calls. They aren’t even picking up. ‘What went wrong?’ You keep wondering and by the time you start forgetting about them, they’re back after almost several months or maybe even a year. So, then you know you’re being ‘Zombied’. It is one of the latest trends and will not last long if you can anticipate such happenings beforehand.
How to deal with it?
The moment you feel you guys are really hitting it off, be sure to check any history of the person abandoning their partners for no reasons whatsoever. No, you don’t have to stalk them or check their phones. Just give it some time. As soon as the other person gets comfortable enough, they’ll tell you a few things about their past, and when they do, make sure to put up sensible questions in a subtle manner to avoid being ‘zombied’.
But, yes, after you’re being zombied already, and they come back, make sure you block them if they had no valid reasons in the first place. If they could do it once, they can do it again.
It is seen that such pattern is present in people who are afraid of communicating properly or they’re too scared of getting attached to someone. No matter what the reason is, it is up to you to decide how much you can go through or is it really worth that much?
‘Ever had’?
We all have that one friend who is super excited about their cooking skills and when they make Maggi, it isn’t exactly the kind of thing you expect. Being zombied feels exactly like eating Maggi noodles made by that friend. You have to face it even though you wished you had ordered Mac and cheese instead!
Exerdating
‘20..’
‘32…’
‘55..’
You can see them exercising right next to you. How do you feel when you ask them out or get asked out by them. This is the kind wherein you get to ‘work out’ with another person whom you like. There are so many perks to it. Even if you really didn’t like it and are not planning on a second date, you still got to work out at the first one and have a date at the same time. So, it’s a win-win.
How to deal with it?
Even if you don’t like such dates, it’ll be a new experience. Still, if you don’t feel like going because you’re conscious about working out in front of your partner or you have a feeling you might get intimidated, you always have the option to let the other person know.
‘Ever had’?
This trend is like ordering your favourite pizza at the Big Chill Café and in case something isn’t right with it, you can always get it replaced easily. A chill experience overall.
Relationship Contracts
So, Yeah. It is what I got to know. Paperwork involved in dating. As some couples are getting more experimental and at the same time feel the need to have contracts too, this one too, is in the air. Like love you know. Couples like to sign contracts on some pre-decided terms to avoid any bad habits of their partners bothering them later on. I do agree that it gives you peace since most of the things get covered prior to any major step you might take in the future but it does seem like a lot of paperwork. Moreover, it also feels boring to restrict or insert terms in a process which is supposed to be spontaneous and fun.
How to deal with it?
If you aren’t cool with the paperwork, you can always let your partner know but besides that, a sensible thing would be to take your time to know them. In order to avoid any major conflicts in the future, you should always have a bond with them which allows you to be yourself above everything else. So, get to know them before going bonkers.
Once you’re already bound by the contract, legally there are a few remedies available for damages incurred. But, nevertheless, you can also file a fresh agreement to nullify the effect of the previous one. It can involve a lot of stress, so try herbal tea!
‘Ever had?’
Just to be on a safe side, when you order soup for a meal since your stomach doesn’t feel okay. It can be good but at the same time you might end up feeling hungry and looking for more than just the soup. This dating fad can be like that.
Submarining
It is very similar to being zombied but a major difference is that in this case, your partner might appear back soon. If you’re wondering you will get a good explanation for it, don’t even expect because there won’t be any. In this pattern, the partner comes back with no guilt or any acknowledgement of any kind for their missing days.
How to deal with it?
If someone doesn’t value your feelings, then they’re better gone forever than gone for a few days. It’s better to convey it to them in clear words and if there are no changes to be seen, it’s time to move on, friends!
‘Ever had’?
Those cheesy fries which turned out to be so cheesy that you’re getting conscious about your weight now. What about the work out next day? Being caught up in this dating trend feels the same. At first, you don’t feel like getting over this person. They’re so adorable. But with time, it does turn out to be something you hadn’t expected. I say, time to explore more!
Benching
As the term itself suggests, this is when a person goes out on several dates with different people unable to decide whom to stay with. Basically, it’s the Casanova syndrome with a posh term. Such people will always have an excuse to run away from confrontations or a direct one on one. They might avoid meetings wherein any kind of serious talk is involved. Also, for some, it is believed that these people are more into virtual world than the real one.
How to deal with it?
Keep yourself as grounded as possible. You might not want to be swept off your feet with these people. If you’re looking for a fling or a one night thing, you’re in for a good time. But that is all there is to it. You might not want to wait for them to change.
‘Ever had’?
This is like having passionfruit. One might have it for once, you know just to taste what’s ‘passionate’ about it. But, it is actually so bland, you might not try it ever again.
My Fav
I would prefer ‘Exerdating’, since it gives all the perks of staying fit and getting to know someone. Moreover, if I don’t want to meet the other person ever again, I can just let them know and it won’t be a sad ending. I can smell adventure guys!
So what all patterns could you relate to in this article? Please let us know in the comments section below.
